Daily Cricket

This tag is associated with 41 posts

Aggressive Turkeys Force Town Emergency, Drastic Measures

Officials in Brookline, Massachusetts held an emergency town meeting after a series of brazen daylight attacks have left 46 injured and many others terrified to leave their homes. According to police, the town is under siege by gangs of wild turkeys. All schools and town offices have been ordered to close until the situation has … Continue reading

Snooki on Baby “A Pain In My Fricking Ass”

Snooki Polizzi, the adorable pig-faced star of Jersey Shore recently gave birth to a baby boy and gave The Daily Cricket the 63rd ‘exclusive’ interview from her home in New York. Cricket.  Tell us about the pregnancy. Snooki.   I had no idea that I was pregnant. I was eating all the time. People were … Continue reading

Statue of Liberty Shocking Revelation!

Bedloe Island, New York (UPI)- When workers repairing the Statue of Liberty pried open a rusty door and entered a secret chamber last week, they didn’t know what to expect. The  door has been locked since the statue was completed in 1885. The chamber, located near the ankles of Liberty, allowed workers access to the … Continue reading

California Woman Divorces Cat Husband

UPI – San Diego. A 56-year-old California woman has filed for divorce from her husband. Nothing strange about that, except in this case the husband happens to be a 26-pound tomcat named Mr Pomegranate. Mrs. Amelia Johnson of Los Angeles, has filed papers in county court seeking divorce from her husband of only two years, … Continue reading

Mr. Russ Undergoes Gender Reassignment

To All Employees: As you may know, Russ Troano is out on medical leave. Although the reason for his leave is reported as “carpel tunnel surgery recovery,” the truth is that Ross has, in fact, undergone the final operation in his trans-gender reassignment process. In order to help Russ through this transition, we must all … Continue reading

Holldron Collider Vibrations Pleasing Local Women

Scientists working at  the Large Holdron Collider facility located underneath the Swiss-Franco border say that the massive collider is causing an unexpected phenomenon that has local women abuzz.  Reports says that the particle accelerator  produces intense vibrations that are having an unintended but climatic effect on women in the area. “Oh, it’s wonderful,” says local … Continue reading

Hallmark Misprint Angers Catholics

UPI- Hallmark Cards finds itself in hot water again after a typographical error on some of it’s Easter cards offended some hearing-impaired and religious consumers. An official spokesperson at Hallmark said that it was an honest mistake and no offense as intended. The official also said that a free I So Sorry card would be … Continue reading

President Obama Considers Declaring War Against Mexico

CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico (AP) — President Felipe Calderon on Thursday unveiled a “No More Weapons!” billboard made with crushed firearms and placed near the U.S. border. He urged the United States to stop the flow of weapons into Mexico. The billboard, which is in English and weighs 3 tons, was placed near an international bridge … Continue reading

Thought to Be Extinct, Rare Creature Sighted in New Engalnd

(UPI) Worcester, MA – Residents of Worcester, Massachusetts are keeping an eye out, hoping to spot a creature that has not been seen for nearly 40 years. Anthropologists say that the creature, commonly called the “kid that shovels snow,” has come back from the brink of extinction. Eighty-nine-year-old Irene Collins says that one of the … Continue reading

Boston Mayor Jumps The Gun On Superbowl Wager

Boston Mayor “Mumbles” Menino made an embarrassing social blunder today when he phoned Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake and offered to bet on Sundays Superbowl game—except the Superbowl game is not being played this weekend. The Baltimore Ravens will be playing against the New England Patriots this Sunday in a final playoff game at Gillette Stadium … Continue reading