The Polish space agency Ikarus has reported that the space vessel Pegaz is in serious trouble and the lives of the three solonauts are in grave danger after the on board sausage maker failed. Solonaut Micheal Latkas, contacted technicians by walkie-talkie last Tuesday and reported that bottles of beer had exploded in an overhead compartment and caused the sausage maker to short out. Officials say that without sausages, the men will not be able to complete the two-year journey, whose mission is to put a man on the Sun.
Providing enough food and water on such a lengthy trip into outer space was a major challenge to the mission but the Polish space agency believed that they had solved the problem by bringing live pigs and chickens on the journey as a food source.The pigs are slaughtered on board and the fresh meat is then used to make sausages, which are then cured on racks in the cockpit.
“All they to eat now is potatoes and the paper sacks they came in but is it not enough” said a public relations official. “They can’t turn back either because the space craft has no steering wheel. They will have to eat each other in order to survive.”
The Pegaz spacecraft has been plagued by failures from the onset. In 2008, the first Pegaz rocket ship was ruined after heavy rains soaked the cardboard material that the craft was made of, rendering it soggy and useless.
“We think cardboard was OK for build because it was cheap and because there’s no rain in outer space but we forget about rain here on earth,” said Chief of Develpoment, Nashine Terverlot.
Two years passed before the aluminum replacement rocket was completed but disaster struck just three days before it’s launch when a tour bus backed into it and snapped off a stabilizer fin. Technicians quickly taped the fin back on but the mission was aborted just hours later after it was discovered that fuel levels were too low for launch. The rocket engines of the Pegasus are fueled entirely by vodka and an investigation found that the crew and many technicians had been drinking the fuel for months, leaving little for the mission.
The mission to put a man on the Sun has come under constant criticism by the worlds scientific communities because most experts believe that it would be impossible to get anything close to the one million degree surface of the Sun.
Icarus spokesperson, Igie Andgragaski, became angry recently during a news conference when reporters pressed him on how the Pegasus solonauts were going to deal with the extreme heat on the Sun.
“We are not stupid,” said Andgragaski. “We know that the Sun is hot.That is why they bring bags of ice.”