Vice President Joe Biden is in trouble again today, following his escape from a White House holding cell where he has been kept under lock and key. Sources say that President Omaha ordered Biden to be put under house arrest after the gaff-machine made another controversial remark on the campaign trail, but the Vice President crawled out through an air duct and now the rogue campaigner is somewhere on the streets of Washington, D.C.
Biden had been on the campaign trail and was speaking at a rally of The Royal Order of Opossums in Gentrytown, Mississippi, when the latest verbal slip occurred. Biden had been giving a fiery and passionate speech to a nearly empty room and soon found himself in hot water when a reporter asked Biden about the Presidents reaction to the latest polls which indicate that Obama support has slipped since a debate against Mitt Romney.
“He’s as nervous as a Jew at Oktoberfest,” said Biden about the President. “And to tell you the truth, I’m nervous, too. I may be out of a job if Mitt Romney gets elected.”
After a video of Biden’s speech went viral, he was summoned to the White House by an irate President Obama and was subsequently lured into the subterranean war room by secret service men, who promised to show him pictures of a naked Sarah Palin and when Biden stepped inside the facility, the door was locked shut.
“I feel like I was deceived,” Biden told us. “When you tell me that you have nude pictures of Sarah Palin, I expect nude pictures of Sarah Palin, not pictures of Nancy Pelosi laying on a bearskin rug.”
Biden said that the to urge to escape came from a deep-seated internal force that gave him the strength and determination to crawl through the air vent.
“ I’d been sitting in that bunker for three days and I had a moment of the purest cerebral clarity and I got this idea, this insatiable hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich. Something in my head said, “ Get up Joe. Get up. And don’t stop until you get that grilled cheese.’. This is same exact determination that has allowed me to become Vice President of The United States.”
On a busy D.C. street corner, Biden offered The Daily Cricket a private interview.
“I will not be silenced by anybody. I am, and always have been, driven by a desire to speak to the American people, whether they understand English or not,” said Biden. “There are too many important issues out there that need to be discussed, like maybe giving women the right to vote or the maple syrup shortage or what really makes a shoe comfortable”.
“President Osama and I are committed to restoring the economy of this country, which has been in the toilet for the last four years,” he continued. “We will continue on this path we have laid for economic recovery, and whether it be right or wrong, we will not stray from that path. I can’t promise you a new car or the gas to put it in but in the words of another great Democratic president, Herbert Hoover, we promise a kitten in every pot.”