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POLITICAL

Big Bird Hopitalized After Suicide Attempt

Peter Bloomquist, the actor who played Big Bird for nearly thirty years, was rushed to a Philadelphia hospital after attempting to take his own life late last night. Police said that Bloomquist, 52, was at the home of a friend when he suddenly donned his Big Bird outfit, covered himself with Herbs de Province and climbed into a gas oven.

Bloomquist, who is homeless and out of work, made headline news in 2006 when the Sesame Street star was found naked and tied to a bed in a seedy New Jersey motel. He was fired from the popular children’s show in early 2007, after he was captured shortly after he held up a drugstore. The large feet on the costume slowed the suspects escape and he became the pun of every late-night television show.

drugs, Big Bird, Mitt Romney, sesame street

Peter Bloomquist played the lovable Big Bird on PBS for years before he was fired, says he was turning his life around.and was looking forward to returning to work.

Paul ‘Snuffy’ Brittles, a former co-worker at Sesame Street, said Bloomquist has some personal problems and he’s not surprised by the suicide attempt.

” Pete’s never been the same since he got canned. Pete was a drinker. He always had a bottle inside the Big Bird costume and between you and me, he never wore clothes under there,” said Bittles. “The third time Pete got busted for drunk driving, the Sesame Street writers changed the script and made the letters of the day ‘O,U,I’. Pete was so mad that he pulled his head off, attacked an intern with it, and stormed off the set.”

Brittles says that he thinks that recent news about Sesame Street and Public Broadcasting System, may have triggered the suicide attempt. During last Wednesdays presidential debate, GOP nominee Mitt ‘I’m trying to fit’ Romney suggested that the monies allocated to the Public Broadcasting System be put on the federal budget chopping block.

Sesame Street fans, none of whom have ever sent a donation to the Public Broadcast System, contend that the money saved by cutting funding to the program would  be minimal at best.

In 2011, PBS received 445 Million Dollars in federal aid but advocates say that every penny was well spent. Since 1973, PBS produced some of he the most stimulating television programs ever made, such as Another Boring News Show, Remodeling Your Home With Dollars and No Sense, and The Bearded Gardener starring ex-hippie Beatrice Rothchild.

“It’s not the responsibility of  the public to keep the Public Broadcasting System going, ” said Robert Jackson of the Kill The Rich Foundation. “People need Sesame Street. In fact, it’s how most illegal immigrants start to learn English.”

Twenty year old Chicago resident Shaniqua Jansante, said she’s going to have to quit her job if the Sesame Street show gets cancelled.

“Sesame Street be my baby sitter when I’m at work. I can’t afford to have nobody come in and watch ’em, can I? Where I’m gonna get the money. Who gonna pay that? Not that Devil-worshiper Romney, that’s for sure,” shouted the irate mother of four. “You tell me. What kinda mother-fucker gonna put Big Bird outta work?”

From his hospital bed, a physically restrained  Bloomquist told the The Daily Cricket that he has nothing to live for now.

“When I heard they were cutting Sesame Street, it ripped my gizzards out. I’m pretty much clean and sober now and was thinking about asking for my job back,” wept a teary-eyed Bloomquist. “Now I have no job to go back to. I have nothing to live for. I want the world to know that Mitt Romney is a dream buster. I want them to know that Mitt Romney choked my chicken.”

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About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket

Discussion

3 thoughts on “Big Bird Hopitalized After Suicide Attempt

  1. What can I say, but sad, very sad.
    But the worst part is that people like this that are the core support for Obama.

    Posted by Steve Lyons | October 10, 2012, 9:44 am
  2. Caroll Spinney plays big bird. nice effort

    Posted by Anonymous | December 6, 2012, 1:43 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Big Bird Hopitalized After Suicide Attempt « pundit from another planet - October 8, 2012

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