Statue of Liberty Shocking Revelation!

Bedloe Island, New York (UPI)- When workers repairing the Statue of Liberty pried open a rusty door and entered a secret chamber last week, they didn’t know what to expect. The  door has been locked since the statue was completed in 1885. The chamber, located near the ankles of Liberty, allowed workers access to the interior areas of the statue including the lower torso, legs and feet of Liberty and when workmen opened the door last Friday, they were shocked to find that Lady Liberty does not shave her legs.

Jeffrey Stiggs, a statue renovator, said he never seen anything like it.

“When I first saw her legs, I was horrified,” Stiggs remarked. “As we went up the ladder and headed up to the crotch area….it was …..a mess. She’s not wearing panties and well..let’s just say she’s certainly French when it comes to hygiene. I threw up over my co-worker Vinny.”

Workers have removed the lower portion of Liberty’s dress revealing the hirsute legs. Officials will use a tugboat and 50,000 gallons of hot wax to remove the hair from her legs.

National Parks historian Marsha Adams said that she was not shocked by the discovery of the hirsute appendages.

” The woman who we believe modeled for Liberty was a French  prostitute named Bebe LeBeche,” said Adams. “In the late 1800’s LeBeche worked the prominent  social circles of Paris and was well-known to keep company with Liberty’s designer, Frédéric Bartholdi. I’m not surprised she didn’t shave her cat hairs. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Liberty had syphilis.”

It is a common misconception that the French gave liberty to the United States as a sign of friendship. It was instead, an inside joke played on the United States by Bartoldi and his friends in the French government.

“The statues intention was not to welcome new immigrants to the United States”, said Adams. “By having a prostitute standing at the gateway to the United States, it said to those immigrant workers “You’re about to be fucked.””


About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket


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