Scientists working at the Large Holdron Collider facility located underneath the Swiss-Franco border say that the massive collider is causing an unexpected phenomenon that has local women abuzz. Reports says that the particle accelerator produces intense vibrations that are having an unintended but climatic effect on women in the area.
“Oh, it’s wonderful,” says local Mary Duprie. “I feel young again! I’m having orgasms all day long!” Mary says that she and her girl friends don’t get any work done when the collider is running. “An intense buzzing comes right up through my feet and I have to sit down. It’s absolutely wonderful!”
” We check the collider website to see when it will be operating and we have collider parties, ” said Mrs J Korbett of nearby Champel. “We plan our days around their work schedule. Nothing gets done when Holdron is running..well, no work gets done anyhow,!” she chuckled.
The accelerator, located 150 meters below ground, is used by astrophysicists for researching black holes and particle acceleration. Franco Svengolliano, director of the Holdron Collider, says that the vibrations ,although unexpected, are not dangerous and pose no threat to civilians or property in the area.
Security at the facility has been doubled after large crowds of woman have gathered at the front gate demanding that the accelerator run more often. Last Wednesday an estimated 4,000 woman gathered outside the gate and chanted ” Turn it On! Turn it ON!” prompting facility officials to upgrade security at the site.
Local businesses are happy with the publicity that the area is getting.
“We have busloads of women coming in every day. Every hotel in town is booked solid for the next two years'” said local business woman Charlene Deveau. Deveau owns and operates the local adult shop and says business has never been better. “Things are crazy ever since Holdron was installed. I can’t keep up with demand. I sell out of the personal-sized Haldron Collider within hours of putting it on the shelf and Holdron collider sex vacations are just like Hedonism, but without the syphilis. Most of my customers return home and divorce their husbands.”
Despite the uptick in the local economy, some French husbands are very upset with the collider and it’s effect. They are demanding that the collider run only during the evening hours after the women are done with their daily chores.
” My wife hasn’t made my dinner made in 5 weeks,” said Robert Perrier, married for 43 years.” My shirts are not pressed, the floors are not scrubbed and she laughs about it. It’s killing me to see her so God-damned happy.”