Herman Cain’s Dick Says, “He May Not Have, But I Definatly Did Those Bitches!”

After weeks of denying charges of sexual misconduct, Herman Cain finally got his hand caught in the nookie jar when Ginger White (who is neither, by the way) came forward last week and claimed that she’s been having a 13-year affair with the Georgia businessman. This last incident blew the Cain train off the campaign tracks and, after days of pondering, he decided to throw in the towel.

Former presidential hopeful Herman Cain ended his bid today for the White House. "I guess it's back to pimpin' for the Cain-dog."

“My family comes first,” said the cheating father of five. “I have decided to end my campaign before you mother fuckers dig up any more shit on me. I hope you never talk to my neighbors or college roommates about all that other stuff you didn’t find!”

A recent poll showed that there are still six people in the United States that believe that Cain is innocent. Three of them are dead and one is in a coma. The other two remain very outspoken about their conviction.

Klide Johnson of Littledone, Alabama, a firm believer in Cain’s innocence, says that Herman Cain is the target of left-wing neo-Nazis conservative Cuban lobbyists, who blocked his bid for the White House.

“They, the Communist Cuban infiltrators, have quietly burrowed their way into the fabric of America. They’ve influenced every election since the Bay of Pigs. They paid these women to lie, to fabricate these outlandish stories so that Cain wouldn’t get elected. They were afraid that Cain was going to discover the tunnel that they have been digging under the White House for the last 39 years, a tunnel that goes straight down for three miles. That’s where the ship crashed that brought us here and killed the dinosaurs, and it’s the only way that we can get back home. They’re close now, I can feel it. A couple more feet, 10 or 15 at the most. They knew Cain was smart and would have exposed them. So they obstructed him.”

Bert Fent of Brooklyn, New York said that Herman Cain is innocent as Hell. “The white bankers and the mob and the FBI and Texas oil men all conspired against him. I have it on good authority that they had a secret meeting inside Area 51. I read things, you know. They paid all these hookers to lie so that Cain would have to spend his time defending himself. It’s a shame.”

The remaining Republic candidates had different views on what Cain’s announcement would mean for the race.

Former Governor Mitt Romney was offered Cain’s endorsement, but Mitt told Cain, “Are you kidding me? Stay the Hell away from me.”

"Herman was a nice man. Before the last debate, he noticed that I had lint on the back of my dress and he brushed it off for me."

Michelle Bachmann said that she was shocked by the news.

“I hadn’t heard a thing about all of this. I can’t believe he’s quitting. Was he the tall white guy?”

Governor Rick Perry commented, “I guess this nation is not ready for the first Black president. I know I’m not. As the governor of Arizona, I can tell you that my constituents and I am tickled pink that he’s finally quit. When you go out and do all these things that he’s done, man, you gotta cover it up! Even a cat knows enough to bury his own poop! Herbert and I butted heads, but it just showed that I’m head-strong, because we are still here and we’re going all the way to Washington B.C.!”

Former Senator Ron Paul said that now is the time to make changes or our civilization could be extinct by 2015.

“We need to shut down the FAA, the Pentagon; we need to close the Department of Agriculture and NASA; the Army Corp of Engineers; the CDC…everybody. The Constitution says nothing about disease control or flying jets. These are things that the private sector should paying for, not the American people.”


About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket


One thought on “Herman Cain’s Dick Says, “He May Not Have, But I Definatly Did Those Bitches!”

  1. He sure is good looking too! He would be a great imvrepoment to what we have had to endure from Clinton and Obama. He shows respect and dignityI don’t like his 999 thing with the flat tax incorporated however, It keeps the IRS and we need to get rid of it completely. I like the Fair tax because it makes everyone pay taxes no loop holes, no forgetting to pay, no blaming it on their auditors, no passing it on to others, no illegal and corrupt businesses not paying at all.I am sick and tired of the media and their forums for our candidates, highlighting Romney and Perry to the forefront. They are picking our candidate for president for us. Please tell them so. and do not vote for either of them in the polls, on purpose. I am sure the dems would like to see either of them oppose Obama. He would shred them like paper. I like Santorum. He has much experience, is bright and fast and would be able to expose all the con games the dems are putting into bills. He is very prolife, very moral and has more experience than anyone else. He also has a very dignified action and also would be a bright light among some of whom we have had to endure. He is fiesty and would not tolerate the tyrants around the world, nor would he use ou military for peace and humane reasons. I would hope he would bring them all home and use our national guard for just that our nation here.I am also sick or our being in debt and still handing our millions and billions to other nations such as Hilliary giving millions to Libya recently. Where did she get that from our mint? or China?! AND we give to China’s impoverished????PLEASE GOD HELP US ///////// YOU ARE OUR WEAPON AND ONLY HOPE.

    Posted by Mirtha | January 9, 2013, 9:24 pm

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