Plimoth Plantation Attacked by Indians!

Police were called to historic Plimoth Plantation this morning after an disagreement over cranberry sauce led to an all out brawl during the traditional Thanksgiving Day feast. One building was destroyed by fire and police say that twenty eight  people were arrested.  Thirty two people were injured during the melee and one man was seriously hurt after being  struck in the eye with a corn cob.

Kickapoo Indian re-enactor George Domingo 42, arrived late and drunk to the Thanksgiving feast.

According to Plymouth police, Carlos Domingo, a Kickapoo Indian reenactor, arrived late to the Thanksgiving Day celebration with 2 cans of Ocean Spray Whole Berry Cranberry sauce. Members of the Massachusetts Colonial Army were offended by this infraction of historic accuracy and words were exchanged.

” We pride ourselves in fact that  our clothing, our weapons, and our language are all historically accurate,” said First Lt. Fred Smithe. “Then we have this guy, this Mexican guy, show up to Thanksgiving meal with cans of Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce? Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce sucks! The Pilgrims fed it to pigs. Everybody knows Jellied Cranberry Sauce is the best. They did it to spite us.”

Sharp words were exchanged between the Colonists and Indians and the men began fighting. The brawl, involving nearly 60 diners, went on for twenty minutes. The Thanksgiving table, laden with foods, was knocked over and all furniture was destroyed. Spectators were temporarily amused when a dog was spotted scampering down the street with a piping hot turkey in it’s jaws.

Sous-chef Mary Tutters was able to move the fight outdoors by dropping a frozen pheasant into a deep fat fryer that had been set up for the festival. The ensuing fireball could be seen two counties away and the thatched cottage was instantly set ablaze.The re-enactors ,many on fire and hungry, poured out into the muddy lane at which point Kickapoo Indian, Japute Ginga of New Deli, attempted to remove the scalp of Captain George Pullman by using a rubber hatchet. Mr Pullman received many lumps upon his head but managed to retain his scalp. Mr Ginga continued as his blood curdling rampage and at one point thought he had successfully scalped Gary Kline of Sutton,Ma but it was soon discovered that he had only removed Mr Klines hairpiece.

Outnumbered by the Indians and sensing that the Green Bay Packers football game was about to start, the militia wished to end the fight quickly. The well-trained colonial marksmen, loaded their muskets and from only 20 paces away fired at the approaching mob of Indians. Although no Indians were hit, the sharpshooters succeeded in shooting off the foot of Militiaman Sgt. Murry Stienbeck, ringing a nearby church bell and breaking a streetlamp across the road.

Shirley Westbrook 36, of Brighton,England, brought her two children to see the famous recount of the American history.

” It was wonderful, very realistic. The men trying to kill each other, the house burning down, the exchange of gunfire, all of it was wonderful,” she said. ” Although next year I think they could do without all the cursing. It’s not suitable for young children.”

A deep fat fryer caused this historic home to burn to the ground. Over 100 rednecks loose their front porches every year when frozen turkeys are dropped into deep fryers.

About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket


One thought on “Plimoth Plantation Attacked by Indians!

  1. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving

    Posted by Anonymous | December 14, 2011, 7:09 pm

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