Armed Robber Offended By His “Wanted” Poster
By Roland Doobie
North Brimfield, MA – The North Brimfield police department received a surprise visit yesterday from a man wanted for armed robbery.
Kendall Burns walked into the station holding a police bulletin with a sketch matching the description of a man who robbed Milton’s Feed and Grain store last week. Burns admitted that he was the man in the crudely depicted sketch and then stated that he was offended by the likeness.
“He was livid,” said Officer Barry Waters. “He demanded that we fire our sketch artist.”
Burns continued his rant, declaring that he is much better looking than the “goon” in the sketch and that he’s actually two inches taller and 10 pounds lighter than the five-foot-five, 275-pound man described in the poster.
Burns took particular offense to the line describing him as “giving off a tremendous body odor that lingered an hour after the robbery.”
When Burns completed his rant in the station lobby, Officer Waters handcuffed him and placed him under arrest.
“It was the easiest bust in my 12 years of service,” declared Waters. He then added, “That man really does smell something awful.”