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Science/Technology

Cosmetic Surgeons Create Fashionable Bat-boy.

Mike and Mahlinda Peterson of Silver Hills California were very excited when their first child was due in 2009. The new parents were looking forward to raising their first-born son but they were very worried that their son would not be unique. Taking no chances, the Peterson’s elected to have Creative Cosmetic Enhancement  done on the perfect baby soon after birth.

18 month old Machiavelli Peterson was born a normal healthy baby, but thanks to cosmetic surgery he can now enjoy the life of a mutant.

Mike, a successful finance executive, said “Everybody has these regular old run-of-the-mill kids now. They all look the same. They have two arms, two legs and a head on top. We wanted our son Machiavelli to be different somehow, so we decided to have  cosmetic surgery done and we decided on Functional Winglette Attachments.

Dr Ronald Stein, Chief Surgeon at the Beverly Hills Center for Total Transformations, said “I started this clinic in 2004 because I ran across so many boring, ordinary-looking children. As a doctor and as a human being, I felt compelled to do something about it. To give a child like Machiavelli  a chance at a special life, how wonderful is that?”

At a cost of $135,000, Dr. Stein and his team of surgeons spent 16 hours constructing and attaching wings to little Machiavelli.

“The pointed ears was my idea,” said Dr Stein, “which I did at no additional cost.”

“We are delighted with the alterations, ” said the boy’s mother. “Machiavelli is a bit clumsy though. He’s always breaking the ceiling lights with his head. Last week he escaped through an open window and I was so upset because I was late for my Feng Shui hair appointment. It took 3 months to get that appointment. When I got home I went looking for him.”

The young tot was found nearby, buzzing guests at a neighbors cookout.

“I sprayed that kid with Raid,” said neighbor Tom Cenner. “I though it was a bumblebee. I blasted him in the face with hornet spray and then tried to knock him down him with a garden hose. He was a real pest. I finally gave the Mexican kids some broomsticks and told them he was a pinata.”

Jesse and Vitene Shapiro have spent their life savings on surgeries that have transformed their son Charlie ( Bottom left) into an exact likeness of Saint John Bosco.

Many people are opposed to the idea of performing unnecessary surgery on children. Jillian Savoy, founder of Moral Scalpel, held a protest in front of the Dr Steins clinic recently.

‘These kids shouldn’t be getting surgery,” she protested. “Small children are being transformed into inch worms, bumblebees, and human iguanas.One couple up in Oakland had their son transformed into the statue of a saint. Why are we wasting time and money on kids like this? I’m the one who needs cosmetic surgery for Christs sake not them. Look at these wrinkles,” she complained. “My boobs are hanging down to my waist but we’re spending money to turn some silver-spoon brat into a life-size Pokemon? It’s fuckin’ bullshit.”

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About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket

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