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Hellraising Pope Hurt In Motorcycle Accident

Pope Benedict XVI was hospitalized yesterday after suffering injuries when the motorcycle he was diving crashed during a stunt show. The Pope suffered a broken collar-bone, cracked ribs and a broken wrist during the spill but the 82 year old dareangel is expected to recover fully.

Pope Benedict XVI is an avid extreme sports enthusiast and has won 6 X-Games competitions. Skateboarder magazine voted him Coolest Dude of The Year in 2010.

The accident occurred in Rome during a  free-style motocross exhibition being held near the Vatican. The Supreme Pontiff, an avid free-style competitor was attempting his signature aerobatic move known as  The Holy Grail , when he lost control of the motorcycle and crashed on landing. Witnesses say that his elaborate robe may have gotten caught in the rear wheel as the Pope performed the midair maneuver.

Italian police stated that there have been numerous accidents during these illegal Motocross meets. They have had numerous complaints by neighbors around the Vatican City but say that they are powerless to stop it.

“Many people love it,” said Roman policeman Alfredinni Sabatuchi. “After saying Mass, the crazy Pope, he coming out and he racing around and he a very good jumper for an old guy. Lasta week..he jumpin over 200 nuns and a bishop with a very tall hat. Where else you gonna see that?

The Holy Grail was first performed by Pope Benedict in 1998 after a Bishop dared him to jump over 16 clotheslines that were strung across a nearby alley. The Pope accepted the challenge and being fortified by goblets of sacrificial wine, he launched into the air from a makeshift ramp. During the jump, the Pope  seperated from his motorcycle but  miraculously regained control of his bike during the jump. Those who witnessed the the spectacle said that it the most extraordinary gymnastic spectacle they had ever seen, barring the time Mary Lou Reton tumbled off the balance beam and split her head open.

In 2009 ,Pope Benedict broke a world record by jumping over the Danube River while standing on the seat of a motorcycle. "I don't do anything in half measures and I don't do anything half-assed," he said.

The Pope perfected the difficult maneuver and is one of only three riders in the world who can perform it successfully. The stunt is performed at a speed of 100 miles an hour and at heights reaching 120 feet. The maneuver calls for the rider to flips backwards, then go directly into a head stand on the bike seat with both arms outstretched. The rider then gives a sign of the cross, does a double swallowtail side-sweep and finally a reverse cartwheel brings him back into the motorcycle position. The “Holy Grail” is so dangerous that it has been banned during all major motocross competitions in the US and Europe but continues to be popular in Poland where it is attempted by vodka-breathed school children on bicycles.

Last year, American freestyle motocross champion Tony Saddle was killed while attempting to perform The Holy Grail during the Ohio State Fair exhibition. Saddle separated from his bike mid-aid and landed  on a table of recently-judged jars of pickled chickpeas. Charlotte Konocopsky,the first place winner (Pickled Beans or Peas) was visibly upset by the accident because Saddles fall ruined her ribbon-winning entry and also any hopes of her chubby cheeks gracing the cover of Canning Magazine.

Pope Benedict has frequently found himself in trouble with the law during his reign as head of the Catholic church. In 2001 he was arrested after driving his Harley Davidson motorcycle through a Iranian mosque during morning prayers while shouting ” No Easter for you!”. In 2003 Florida police arrested him on assault charges after he was involved in an early morning bar brawl during Spring Break. Two weeks later he was found himself in trouble again after jumping 7 stories into a Las Vegas hotel pool. In 2007, Benedict was nearly killed during a base jumping accident in Costa Rica. He suffered a severe concussion and laid unconscious for 3 weeks Two days after waking up from the coma he won the European Freestyle Waterskiing Competition in Lisbon, Spain.

“Pope Benedict is the coolest Pope that the Catholic church has had in years,” says Entertainment Tonight host Troy Stone. ” The dude is fit, the dude is fun and he is definitively crazy. When he turned 70 he got his pilots license and took up wing-walking. he’d probably still have it if he hadn’t buzzed the Chelsea Clinton wedding naked. He’s an avid snowboarder, bungee jumper, and skydives without a parachute and best of all, he drinks like a German. The Pope rocks.”

Note: during my research on  the Pope, I discovered that the Pope has many acceptable names, but one stood out. The Primate of Italy. You can’t make shit like that up.

in the

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About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket

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