High fuel costs are forcing the airline industry to adopt new policies that cut costs and allow them to remain solvent. Here are the top 10 ideas that airline executives came up with to save money. Expect to see changes the next time you fly.
10. Stop buying new tires for aircraft. Buy used tires at a junkyard.
9. Sell the toilet seats in the rest rooms to budget-minded travelers.
8. Outfit aircraft with seat-back slot machines and set up casino tables in the cargo hold for Black Jack, Texas Hold ’em and Pai Gow.
7. Flight attendants will be replaced by prostitutes who will perform in-flight “hospitalities” and give proceeds to airline.
6. Have the cockpit crews replaced by retired bus drivers.
5. During flights, have passengers stick arms outside aircraft and flap their arms.
4. Stow passengers, not baggage, in overhead compartments.
3. Force passengers to perform menial factory work during flights such as assembling athletic shoes, cell phones, and pants with bad zippers.
2. Charge passengers for ALL bags including handbags, colostomy bags, bags under people’s eyes and ball bags.
1. Convert jet fuel engines into engines that burn used restaurant grease.