In their latest attempt to outsmart immigration officials, illegal aliens crossing into the US have come up with another ingenious way to get over the border undetected. They are donning costumes and sauntering into the US disguised as donkeys, burros and jackasses. Although agents patrol the fences day and night, thousands of illegals continue to cross the border every week in this manner.
“These guys are clever,” said an US immigration official. “They keep coming up with new ways to cross over. They’re always one step ahead of us. They act and we react. That’s the game we play. We’ll never win. All we can hope for is a stalemate.”
“As soon as we find a solution, they come up with another way to get across. Used to be a time when they could easily swim across or crawl through a hole in the fence. Not any more,” said the official. “They dug tunnels for a while. We found them and filled them in. Then there was a pole-vaulting phase, so we removed the cushioned mats on our side. They had a human catapult set up.They were flingin’ Mexicans so high that they were landing as far North as Nebraska. They were landing in power lines and trees and one even knocked down an airplane. They’ve used stilts, pogo sticks, ladders. There was one guy who just walked across disguised as a fence. Son of a bitch inched his way in. This week it’s donkey costumes. It ain’t right. They’ve crossed a line, so to speak.”
US Customs officials had a shoot-to-kill order on all donkeys that appear to be made from cotton, polyester or faux fur. PETA officials filed a complaint in Supreme Court and a cease and desist order was handed down. As a result all donkeys, burros and jackasses apprehended must be brought in for questioning and finger-printed before being arrested.
“The desist order has created problems for us along the fence,” said Stanley Washobi with Department of Immigration. “First of all, the donkeys run away. If we do catch them, they are really hard to get into the back seat of the cruiser, Some of them smell badly—like donkeys, I guess. A lot of the donkeys that we’ve brought in refuse to speak. As a group, they are pretty tight-lipped unless they’re trying to bite you. The donkeys won’t say anything, unless they are plied with tequila. The ones that take the tequila either start talking or fighting. Ever been attacked by a burro armed with a machete? Some of these donkey suits are so well made, we can’t find the zipper. We send the donkeys to jail or deport them.”