Advertisements
TOP NEWS

“Biggest Asshole in Massachusetts” Crowned

Winner of the Biggest Asshole in Massachusetts 2011 contest

Biggest Asshole in Massachusetts.

This year’s title of “Biggest Asshole in Massachusetts” went to 48-year-old Rick “Dickhead” Olivanty of Lowell. Olivanty was chosen from five finalists in the “Biggest Asshole” competition held this past Saturday at the Park Plaza Hotel in Boston.

There were a record number of assholes participating in this year’s event. Over 3,000 men and women from all over Massachusetts came, hoping to become infamous. Kitten kickers, loud talkers, parking-spot snatchers, line cutters, bad drivers and thieves all made the trip.

The finalists were given five minutes on stage to deny responsibility for their actions. Witnesses testified by video cam and told judges of their history with the contestants.

The winner was arrested on animal cruelty charges last August. Police found over 40 mistreated and starving dogs crowded into cages. They were left without food or water while he was vacationing on Cape Cod. Most were starving and dehydrated. Many had to be euthanized.

“When we saw the photos of the abused animals, we knew we were in the presence of a real asshole. He had my vote when I saw dog-ribs,” said judge Teresa Wertheimer. “He also has a history of domestic violence. He was recently arrested for punching his pregnant girlfriend because she burned toast. In the talent portion of the competition, he broke into his 82-year-old mother’s house and stole her jewelry so he could purchase an X-Box 360. This guy is destined for Asshole greatness.”

According to event producer, Joe Kempton, the contestants must be nominated by someone other than themselves.

“These are not fly-by-night or occasional assholes. These people were born assholes. There were a number of contestants that were jerks, or rude, or they pissed people off. These are your everyday assholes, or ‘Massholes’ if you like…but there are others out there who take it to a new low. These are the assholes that other assholes hate. They are ruthless, relentless pricks. The ‘Biggest Asshole’ must exhibit a complete lack of respect and regard for others. They must be unlikable. We look for laziness, rudeness, tempers, abusive behaviors. They are rude, selfish hotheads.”

Olivanty will be heading to the “Biggest Asshole in America” competition next month in Las Vegas. His win here in Massachusetts guarantees him a spot in Hell when he dies, friendless.

The other finalists were:

  • SECOND PLACE
tch placed second in the biggest asshole in Massachusetts competition

Second place finisher is a losy tipper.

Mary Perkins, 39, of Brockton, who told friends last summer that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Friends held fundraisers and she took the proceeds and bought clothes and jewelry. Perkins was never diagnosed. She also coughs without covering her mouth and is a lousy tipper.

.

.

.

                                                  .

THIRD PLACE

Covict stole money from blind man

Covict stole money from blind man

Antoine Johnson of Roxbury stole $4.35 from a blind performer’s tip-cup as he performed in the Harvard Square T-stop. Johnson does not work  but instead sponges off his girlfriend. He also borrows money and never pays it back. At the gym, he never wipes down the machines after he uses them.

.

.

.

.

 FORTH PLACE

Smoked and drank while pregnant

Smoked and drank while pregnant

Mary Stight, 45, of Gardner, mother of five, drove for 55minutes along route 95 South with her right turn-signal on. She was on her phone for most of that time. She uses child support checks to buy beer and cigarettes and then spends what’s left at Foxwoods Casino. Her kids wear old, dirty clothes while she shops weekly for new clothes. She smoked and drank while she was pregnant. She spits in public.

.

.

.

                                                .

FIFTH PLACE

stole money from senior citize

stole money from senior citize

Scott Berhart, 34, of Cheslea is a five-time convicted drunk driver. He was fired from his last job as a nursing home attendant, where he was caught stealing from elderly patients. He throws lit cigarettes out his car window when driving and talks in movie theaters.

Advertisements

About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket

Discussion

One thought on ““Biggest Asshole in Massachusetts” Crowned

  1. CAN I ENTER SOMEONE FOR THE NEXT BIGGEST a HOLE?

    Posted by bill murphy | September 4, 2016, 6:12 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: