In what critics say is nothing more that a publicity stunt, billionaire Donald Trump announced today at a press conference that he will be attempting to jump across the Atlantic Ocean in late August. Trump said that construction has already begun on a mile-long ramp in Atlantic City and that he will be attempting the leap in a 1981 Oldsmobile Delta 88.
“The 20 million dollar ramp will be a mile long and 1900 feet high at the liftoff point,” he said. “I’ll be driving a super-charged Delta 88 and when I hit the end of the ramp I’ll be traveling at 12,800 miles per hour. I will be airborne for about five hours and should land somewhere in France or India.”
The real estate tycoon has recently been accused of staging a number of publicity stunts since ratings have dropped for his television show Celebrity Apprentice. This past February he announced his intentions to run for president. One week later he legally married a cat on the Oprah Winfrey show. Since then, he has faxed a picture of his penis to the Queen of England, financed a fashion line by Muammar Qaddafi, run through a Detroit ghetto in a Ku Klux Klan sheet, tried to melt a polar ice cap, and attempted to break two world records by Pogo-sticking across the Gobi Desert while swallowing live goldfish. Last week he exhumed the body of former rock star Janis Joplin and made out with her in Times Square on live television.
The Donald became very angry when his motives were questioned on a local radio talk show.
“Publicity stunts? That’s bullcrap! I’m Donald Trump…I am publicity. I need more publicity like I need more ex-wives,” fumed the future daredevil. “These lies and accusations of grandstanding are attempts by my opponents to tarnish my reputation and undermine my political campaign. I challenge them—each and every one of them—to an underwater arm wrestling match. Let’s see who is the better man for the White House.”