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CELEBRITIES

Child Porn Star Gary Coleman Dead.

Child porn actor Gary Coleman dead.

Unpopular actor Gary Coleman died yesterday following an accident at a popular Hollywood eatery. He was 42 ( in human years ).

Mr Coleman received a deadly head wound after attempting to run under a dining room table. Witnesses said that he had been drinking espressos all afternoon and was visibly excited. “He was charging around all over the place. He was running under tables, into the kitchen and across the bar! That kid was a nuisense ! ” ,said owner Tom Bellasio.

Mr Coleman was often caught roaming around under dining room tables in an attempt to peek up womens dresses. Last month, he was arrested by San Diego police after he was found masturbating under diners tables at a popular downtown eatery.

“That kid was a dirty little mother-fucker! Most folks knew Gary was sick but you have NO IDEA just how sick he was.” ,said long time friend Jiggy Peanuts.

Hollywood police were called to the restaurant on Friday afternoon and found Mr Coleman already dead. A witness stated that Mr Coleman had tried to run under a table where actress Demi Moore had just sat down and hit his head as he raced under.

“Ms Moore was wearing a leather mini skirt and poor Gary just went crazy. Poor little fella couldn’t help himself. I held him in my arms as he died. He looked up at me and said ‘Bah-Jesus!’ and then he slipped away.” ,said waiter Frank Tessalo. “Ms. Moore was very distraught and demanded that we remove the carcass immediately as it was ruining her Warm Asian Pear Salad so we put him in the meat locker.”

Coleman, named after a popular line of camping equipment, gained pseudo-popularity after years on the television show Different Strokes . The show was popular with very bored white teenagers in suburban East Coast markets. The sit-com was lucky enough to have lousy writers, poor actors and no plot so it was very popular for many years.

In 1986 Gary was thrown off the show after he was found hiding in Dana Platos dressing room ,disguised as an umbrella stand. In 1989 he adopted the name Black Yoda and tried to make a comeback by by acting in child porn. He was was well received by pedophiles and soon slipped into depression. He spent the rest of his life complaining.

Gary donated his giblets to an organ bank and his body , in lea of a frog, will be dissected by a local high school science class.

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About Bobby Bou

Editor of The Daily Cricket

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