Boston police are calling a local man “ a true hero” following an incident on May 7th along Boston’s waterfront. Police report that on the evening of May 7th, Bobby Bou, of Canton, dove into the frigid waters of Boston Harbor to save a Versace satchel.
“ Around 6:55 P.M. we received a call that a woman and a Versace were in the water down by the Boston Sailing Center. ” said Boston Police Lt. Pat Connelly. “We placed a call to Boston Fire so they could send out rescue boats and Emergency Services responded with their Emergency Tannery Wagon. When we arrived on scene, the satchel had already been pulled from the water but the woman was still out there flailing around. Eventually somebody in the crowd threw a rope out to her and pulled her in. Her constant cries for help was getting really annoying.”
Witnesses say that the woman, identified as 49-year-old Patricia “Lucy” Dimitriadis had slipped and fell from the boardwalk while walking along the waterfront.
“ I seen the broad stumbling along, like she was drunk or sumtin, ” said witness Tony DiVirgilio. “ Da next thing I know Badda Bing! She’s ass -over -teakettle and in the fricking drink. I din know nuttin’ bout no frickin Versace bag. Besides, I don’t swim none too good. So I minded my own business.”
A crowd quickly gathered and watched as the woman struggled in the dark icy waters. Before long vendors pulled up to the area and began selling hotdogs, drinks and SAVE THE WOMAN T-shirts.
“She was kinda panickin’ a little,” said peanut vendor J.J. “Hotnuts” Sullivan. “ I guess the water was kinda cold. A couple of instructors from the Sailing Center attempted to save her by boat but they backed right over her when they pulled out of the slip. It was hysterical! That’s around the time somebody seen the handbag in the water. All of a sudden it wasn’t funny no more.At first we thought it was a seal and that’s when somebody screamed ‘It’s a Versace! There’s a Versace in the water!’ ” said Sullivan.
The bag was sighted about 40 feet from shore, bobbing in the water.
Without hesitation, Bobby Bou, of Canton dove into the water and pulled the bag to safety.
“When I got out to the bag, it was pretty tired, it had been in the water for over an hour. I told it that everything was going to be O.K. and I just grabbed and handles and swam back towards the beach. I didn’t think to much about it at the time,” Bou said.
Tannery Emergency Technicians were on hand when the bag was brought ashore.
“We got lucky,” said T.E.T. Paul Nielson.” We got to the beach just as the bag was brought ashore. It’s a natural tendency to want to dry the bag out quickly but that’s a big mistake. You actually need to keep the leather wet, flushing it with fresh water. You have to get all the salt out of the leather. We keep cases of Perrier in the truck just in case were run into a Prada incident. Another 10 minutes in that saltwater and I don’t think it could have floated. We would have lost her.”
A Boston police spokesman said the cause of the accident has been determined.
“The woman had been in Boston for over a week, gorging herself on lobsters, expensive meats, and sweets. She had put on 30 to 40 pounds during her visit and that coupled with the fact that she had been guzzling Cosmopolitans, it caused her ankles to give way. The ankles buckled and over the railing she went. It’s a shame. It’s a real shame what happened to that Versace.”
Boston police are charging the woman with ‘Handbag negligence’ under the new ‘Satchel’ laws. The new laws were enacted last fall after police broke up a sex ring of young men who were fornicating with expensive European evening bags and purses.
Following the incident, life for the hero has changed. Bobby Bou has signed a book deal with Pendant publishing, been on Jay Leno and Oprah Winfrey shows and has reportedly signed a movie deal worth over 25 million dollars.
“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Bou, “ I don’t consider myself a hero. I got a call from President Obama last night asking me if I would consider being the Ambassador to Italy. Next month I’m off to Bollywood to start filming my newest film ‘Versace: Revenge of the Clutch’ with Angelina Jolie. Life is good!”